Fear and Suffering in Subspace

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

 – Yoda

amygdalaFear [feer]
1. A distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.


See, deep in your mind, you have all of these receptors that tell you when to have specific “feelings” or “emotions”. This area of your brain is called The Amygdala or “Fear Center”.
[…] a small, almond-shaped cluster of neurons buried deep within the brain’s limbic system. There are two of them, one on each side of the brain, and the dominant view is that their primary purpose is to govern the emotion of fear. That means both that we need these clusters of neurons in order to feel afraid, and conversely, that activity in the amygdala is a sure sign that we are scared or threatened.

Oftentimes, fear makes us back away or shy from confrontation / criticism / pain, when in reality, the ‘pain’ factor is likely minimal compared to the actual act (flogging, whipping, paddling, cbt, suspension, knife play, etc.). Not that you can literally shut off that part of your brain, but you can train it to have more favorable responses to otherwise unfavorable situations.

In My experience, fear has been more of a hindrance than a help. For many subs, it is the same. Fear can keep you from experiencing things you long to try, or prevent you from even considering it to begin with.

But, is it truly fear? If you secretly long for something that ‘society’ has told you (brainwashed) is wrong or abnormal, your mind will tell you that you should run from it, keep your distance…toe the line, so to speak. This is your “Fight or Flight” response; It’s automatic.

The fight-or-flight response (also called the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response [in PTSD], hyperarousal, or the acute stress response) is a physiological reaction that occurs in response to a perceived harmful event, attack, or threat to survival.

Maybe, just maybe…it’s guilt.
Guilt is a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes—accurately or not—that he or she has compromised his or her own standards of conduct or has violated a moral standard, and bears significant responsibility for that violation.

Everyone has felt it for various reasons. However, I believe that this experience is even MORE intense in a BDSM lifestyle. Everything that W/we do is frowned upon by ‘society’ or exploited for the mass consumption of those who have no clue what it is that W/we do. (i.e. 50 shades of *vomit*).

Guilt can cause you to flee from an otherwise fine situation. If you allow guilt to take over, you will never truly enjoy BDSM in its entirety. There is much to be said about accepting your flaws and embracing them in a community full of flawed individuals. If you love what you do, don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for it.

We’re all entitled to happiness, so long as it’s consensual.

Enter: Masochist.

1. the condition in which sexual or other gratification depends on one’s suffering physical pain or humiliation. 2. a person who is gratified by pain, degradation, etc., that is self-imposed or imposed by others. 3. a person who finds pleasure in self-denial, submissiveness, etc.

Masochists are key to the Sadists survival. If W/we have no one to beat / torture, what’s the point of being a Sadist? 🙂 They take what W/we dish out, and they’re happier for it, because it’s EXACTLY what they want. Honestly, knowing what you want is important when negotiating scenes or D/s relationships. If you don’t know what you want, TRY new things until you find out.

You all know the rush of “misbehaving” or “breaking rules”. The inevitable feeling of being invincible, if only for a short time, is like a full body high. The (sort of) similar feeling of elation (during a BDSM scene) is often called “subspace“:

A “natural high” that a sub (or bottom) gets during a scene or when being controlled. The sub may feel disconnected from time, space, and/or their body, and may have limited ability to communicate. It is critical that a Dom(me)/Top take responsibility for the sub/bottom and be aware of their sub’s well being if they are in subspace.

Oh yes, you read “responsible”. Being a Dominant / Top doesn’t give you license to be a raging asshole whenever the hell you want. (In fact, that makes you an abuser, which is frowned upon in our Community). An often overlooked part of the scene is “TopDrop”:

Top drop: A sudden, abrupt feeling of depression, unhappiness, or similar negative emotion in a Dominant or Top which may occur after a period of BDSM activity. Some Tops experience it regularly; with others, it may happen when the “scene” did not go as planned, or goes counter to the Top’s ingrained beliefs, either immediately or even days later, and often lessened or prevented byaftercare. (Also see sub drop, domdrop, aftercare)


BDSM Glossary.

In other words: A Dominant is not infallible, and a submissive is not a doormat. Just because you “identify” as a s-type, does not mean you are to be abused without your consent. 

I hope this has given a little more insight into the “Fear and Suffering” aspect of being an s-type. Of course, not all scenarios are the same and not everyone experiences things the same way. This is just one opinion of many. That being said, PLEASE feel free to comment. I’d love to hear what you think about the subject.

…We’ll delve into “Hard Limits” in My next blog!
stay tuned 🙂


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: