A lot of folks in the Lifestyle have had time to find (or experience) what they’re into or curious about. In fact, exploration is encouraged! BDSM isn’t about fitting into a mold, it is about finding what gives you balance and pursuing it.
Oftentimes, we’re confronted with things that we aren’t even remotely interested in, and that’s ok! Here, it would be wise to use YKINMK (Your Kink is Not My Kink), because there’s no reason to berate or judge someone’s kink when it is not the same as Y/your own (so long as it’s consensual). Everyone has their own way of doing things, some routes work better for others than they would for Me (or Y/you). The point is, learning to enjoy the things you know you like and not be afraid to try something new on occasion.
Don’t get it twisted; Doing something new should NEVER be without your consent. This is where a lot of grey areas are in the Scene, though in My humble opinion, consent either IS or ISN’T given. Coercion isn’t consent, neither is lording your “Dominance” over an s-type just because you can. There’s a certain responsibility when You’re a D-type, it’s not a free-for-all of demands and orders. One thing you should be sure of in particular: Hard Limits.
Definitions: FetLife BDSM Glossary.
Soft Limits — A personal boundary that is not necessarily set in stone. It may be flexible, may be pushed or may change over time and/or with experience or knowledge of that type of play.
Hard Limits — What someone absolutely will not do, usually non-negotiable (may or may not be subject to change over time).
In the off chance that there are things you absolutely WILL NOT do, this would be called a Hard Limit. In My experience, limits are the cornerstone of ANY D/s relationship. If you don’t have boundaries, you are begging to be abused in ways that I promise you won’t enjoy. If you don’t RESPECT yourself enough to have limits, no one else will respect your wishes. For instance, some s-types are into public humiliation, whereas another s-type would consider it an embarrassment and it could potentially be a major trigger for the s-type.
Which brings up a valid point; If you don’t communicate with your D-type or s-type, how would they know what they can do with (or to) you?
If you want a successful D/s or M/s dynamic, you MUST have OPEN communication. Most BDSM relationships tend to be more involved on many different levels versus “vanilla” relationships, so details can be omitted in favor of pleasing your D-type.
Keep in mind though, if you keep things from your D-type, they’ll never get your FULL submission, will they?